The following is the first ten pages of the book I wrote in middle school. This is a roast, not literary lesson. Come chuckle with me at an author who tossed into his novel everything he thought was cool without regard to plot or complexity or voice or how to tell a good story.
Might be fun.
Prologue
The book begins with a prologue in italics because of course it’s italics. The prologue is less scene, more opening scrawl of Star Wars. It’s pure, unadulterated exposition. Horrible, unnecessary exposition.
We’re introduced to the ancestors of our protagonist for some reason. These early knights migrated to a mountain and created a town. It’s not complicated. They were accompanied by a Talking Cat.
The Cat is murdered and never mentioned again.
That is nearly all I say about the Silver Bowl. While the artifact resurfaces later, its function, its purpose, its abilities are never explained.
Obviously the idea of a tempting, powerful metal object was stolen from Lord of the Rings. Ten-year-old-me must have ransacked his brain meat trying to think of an alternative to The One Ring and settled on a bowl. Maybe he was eating cereal.
The prologue ends with vague foreshadowing.
Ah, ellipses. Only the pros use ellipses.
Chapter One
After the prologue is the first chapter called “New Beginnings” because of course it’s called “New Beginnings.”
We are introduced to a thief running from the city guard. In other words, Aladdin.
Ugh. Hidden spot. Gross.
We soon discover the thief is the main character. It’s very subtle.
His name is Javis Kyle. He returns home with stolen goods, and we meet his fat mother and sickly brother. (That’s all the character development they receive.)
Apparently I tossed my real, actual brother into the novel.
And gave him the Black Plague.
In case you missed it, I repeat his sickness, this time bolded for emphasis.
Now that’s how you write a scene.
But don’t worry, the little guy doesn’t die from the plague.
No, he dies of an arrow to the face.
I hired an artist to recreate the scene.
The source of the arrow? The village is under attack. Javis’s fat mother grabs pots and pans, runs to the door, and is coated stretch mark to stretch mark in arrows.
My description of her death is exceptionally touching.
Javis Kyle, distraught, runs out the door (the very action that just killed his mother) to find the street overrun by knight marauders.
A baby smashed by horse hoofs? That’s some Game of Thrones shit.
Javis steals a dead man’s sword and runs away, I guess.
The sword is apparently magical. I describe it as a power sword which magically slays well-armored warriors in a single swing. It won’t be mentioned again.
Thus ends the chapter. The “New Beginning” has begun… anew?
And with that I’ll put the book aside. Click here for the next installment of “The Novel I wrote when I was Ten.”
Silver Bowl by María Lucía Escalona
Brother with the Black Plague and an Arrow through his Eye by Tinavrl
Desmond, Write 